Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Days go by, life goes on!

I was going through some of my journals and came across this. I had started writing it while my Dad was sick and in the hospital but couldn't finish it until much later. I now look back at it and see how far we've come and how life has continued and gone back to normal. At the time it never felt like it would and that normal wasn't real.

It's untouched, straight from my soul at the time so it's a bit rough.

The walls are coming down,
Feel them, thundering, crashing,
I can’t seal the cracks they’ve gotten to big
Nothing can help, I’m slowly starting to sink

I wake up screaming silently,
So much loss and pain,
My heart can’t take anymore,
Closed off, cold and dead,
Fears of loving and losing
Are flooding me,
Sounds so insane,
I push you away,
It’s better this way,
I can’t hurt if I don’t love,
If I don’t love then you won’t leave,
They say loving is living,
But to me it always seems to be leaving.
I miss you all so much,
In one year our family has had loss
3 spirits now to heaven have gone
When does it end, why did it start
The world is crashing down,
Spirits all around,
Staying with you through it all,
Not a curse, but a choice,
To see you off to the other side,
Watching your strength wane was the hardest thing to see,
You were always so strong for me,
To say good bye I knew was best, but what about all that was left.
My children you will never kiss, hug and hold.
To be with Mom as she grows old,
Our unspoken silences that said so much,
Dad, I miss your loving touch.
How’s the fishing, whiskey and music,
Stompin’ Tom’s still playing on your old stereo,
Sunday drives with Hank and Don on the radio,
Windows down, time goes on,
Days go by.


Sharijoy said...

Sending you A huge hug and kiss...very touching..very real... and I could see where you've grown and let go of your fears.... it all works out even when we think it never will.