Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Just for fun...

How daring are you?

You Are a Fierce Femme

You have a wild side, and you aren't afraid to bring it out when the time is right.
But you also know when to hang back and keep your "crazy chick" persona in check.
In fact, some of your friends may be surprised to find out how far you can take it...
You may look mild mannered, but it's all an act!

Jenny, I just saw you did one too..this is too funny! Same wavelength today on the quiz thing. I'm going to try the one you did.

Your True Love Is a Capricorn

Why you'll love a Capricorn:

Hard working and driven, a Capricorn will work overtime to win your heart.
Be prepared to get wined and dined, even once you're convince that your Capricorn is the one!

Why a Capricorn will love you:

You don't rush things. You know it will take a while for a Capricorn to trust you, and you can wait.
Social and outgoing, you can introduce normally shy Capricorn to a great circle of friends.

hmmm, Hal is a Capricorn!

Monday, May 29, 2006

Who needs Miracle Grow!

Some of you will remember the pics I posted two weeks ago of the flower garden out front....well I tell you it's taken off and to be honest I had to check the dates on the photos and it's been just over two weeks!

And to think we were going to feed it some Miracle grow....guess we'll save ourselves a little change now.

Two weeks ago:


Four legged fur babies!

Hal and I don't have kids...yet! Although we're trying but for now we've got two furbabies Cleo and Willow. We talk about them like kids and i'm sure people must think we're a little loopy but here's some pics of OUR KIDS.

Cleo and her buddy Scooby Doo

Willow aka the Wench at Dad's feet while he plays on the computer and ignores her...how dare he! lol

Did someone say 'Cookie?"

Cleo at the Kitimat River two weeks ago

Willow posing...

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Who woke up and took a bitter pill?

For those of you who don't know much about my past my brother died when I was 14. That's over half a lifetime ago and although I think of him often it's usually always with a smile at some scheme we were plotting or one of the many adventures we had.

At 14 and facing the reality that your best friend, big brother, mentor was terminally ill and there wasn't a damn thing you could do was devastating. There were many things I tried to make him 'all better'. One of them was based on the fact that he used to challenge me to things as a child so with that 14 yr old brain I would say to him 'If you promise to get better then I challenge you to another dirt bike/horse race' or 'When you get better we'll go fishing and let's see who gets the bigger fish'.

Growing up I can't tell you how often my sister and I heard from Mom "I wish I had all boys, they're so much easier to raise. Your brother *this*, your brother *that*" It was very hard feeling like you never measured up and to this day I know that why I catch myself looking for acceptance from others.

I really wanted to take Sax or piano lessons but that was quickly nixed by Mom again by saying "The only instrument you'll play is the guitar or trumpet, that's what your brother did and the instruments that are here." "Mom, I have no desire to play the trumpet or the guitar, it's not what I AM interested in." It was said in no uncertain terms that it was the trumpet, guitar or nothing....I choose nothing.

anyway, back to the beginning of the post...Laurence's birthday was May 21 and it's not a day to be sad but to relish that wonderful relationship. I avoided my Mom that day because she would be all down and depressed, crying, etc. I don't have a child so have never lost one so there's nothing to relate to. That's how she chooses to deal with it. She asked what I did that day and told her that it was an ordinary day for me and yes I did think of Laurence but didn't get all wah wah over him. Then the part came about "I wonder what he would have been like today" My response was "Well Mom, he's exactly what he was meant to, he wasn't meant to grow up and grow old." *rude of me probably but very real*

June 1st will be the 22 year anniversary of his death and I will not be answering my phone and playing into my Mom's stuff, don't have the time for it and in all honesty am very bitter about the fact that we were denied certain wants and needs because of her wanting us to basically be our brother. In no way do I ever hold him responsible for how we were shunned as children, he loved his baby sisters and so many times you could read in his face how sorry he was that she would try to force his likes on us.

As this is being typed I am still so angry at Mom for so much stuff that happened as a child. I also see lots of I, Me, etc too but this is after all my feelings. I'm angry, hurt and so many times have wanted to just scream at her for all the bullshit and emotional games she played whether she knew it or not. So after reading this a realization has come up that perhaps I would feel more about my brothers passing if I knew it wouldn't give Mom such satisfaction.

ps: I really do love my Mom and try to understand her.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

6 random facts

The rules:
- You must post a blog with six weird facts or habits about yourself. These cannot be used against you later on :)
- At the bottom name the six people you will tag next.
- Leave them a comment to let them know they've been tagged and to read your blog.

1. I'm picky about where and how things get put away

2. I'm absolutely terrified of spiders..big one, little ones, hairy ones, you get the idea. Hal says "You're not scared of a 120 lb dog but you let a itty bitty spider terrorize you?!?!"

3. I am able to watch tv, play a comp game, talk(type) on messenger and the phone at the same time AND be able to keep track of everything

4. I threw up in a guys boot and he still wanted to go out with me..WTF, he didn't get the hint?!?!

5. My Mom walked past Martin Sheen and says "Well he's a short little shit isn't he!" Martin burst out laughing and asked Mom and I to go have coffee with him that he loves it when people aren't all gaga over him.

6. Anne Murray's father was a doctor at the hospital I was born in.

I'm tagging Shari, Jenny, Trudy, Tanya, Janelle and Lucy

Monday, May 15, 2006

Playing with the camera

A few years ago we bought a digital camera and I still haven't learned how to use it properly and the manual is clear as mud! However, I played around with it a bit more and took a few new pictures recently and found some other pics from the last couple years.

The Ryman Auditorium - Nashville, TN

Bryan Adams and Molly

Flower from garden

Moon and Stars - Kitimat May 2006

Sunday, May 14, 2006

How I spent the weekend!

This weekend was very productive!! I love being in the garden but it has to be when the mood strikes....let's just say this weekend the front flower bed has been totally redone and the hanging baskets are almost finished. The front lawn needs to be levelled but we just can't afford it at this time so you'll see that the edging the former owners had in place is raised in places. I fixed it where I could and built up the flower bed a bit more then it was and there was even a few large rocks left over that were just perfect for adding a little different texture. Looking forward to everything being in bloom and getting pictures again at that time. Here's a few pictures of what it looks like right now:

Thursday, May 11, 2006


I was out walking with my 4 year old son. He picked up something off the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.

"Why?" my son asked.

"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my son looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," ...I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" he beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the daddy!"

"Exactly", I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart .

When you're finished laughing, send this to a Mom.

Friday, May 5, 2006

Shari and Mexican accents

so the phone rings at work this morning and I hear 'Hey hot chicka!' in a Mexican accent and my reply was "Hola sexy momma, don't be talking to me like that cuz yer making me blush (again the Mexican accent).

There was a bit of a pause and then a fit of giggles on the other end.

IT WASN'T SHARI, it was head office calling!!

*Sorry had to come back and clarify that Shari is always so cheery and says cute, funny stuff like that so it was only obvious who I would think it was and that I would play along with it, lol.*

Thursday, May 4, 2006

Getting real...

k, I proclaim to be a realist and for the most part I am. However, it's quite apparent that i've not been real enough with the physical condition of my body and what i'm doing to it. Why do I sabotage myself? I truly do want to be healthier, weigh less and be more physically fit yet (as Shari and I talked about) when your finally in the groove with working out and eating better it's like all of the sudden foods that you don't normally even eat are screaming from the far reaches of the pantry or the corner store....why is it that one caves?

Am I scared of what would be the new me? Would people have greater expectations of more weight loss? Would I be able to maintain the new look? This is what I know..what and who I am now. Would this change me as a person? I've been on the skinny end of the spectrum and didn't have a clue what it was like to be heavy and never thought that i'd be this heavy.

I want to have a child so badly, yet I question what kind of Mommy would I be..perhaps what others say to me is right 'Well there's a reason you haven't conceived, it's meant to be." Add to that I'm terrified of actually getting pregnant and becoming a freaking elephant so am I also sabotaging my own dreams of becoming a Mommy...YEP, I think so.

So this nut job has said enough to make her certifiable...if you see me, please don't shun me I truly am sane, lol. If you've been there done that please post and share your thots on how to get past this silliness.

xo Pen

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Days go by, life goes on!

I was going through some of my journals and came across this. I had started writing it while my Dad was sick and in the hospital but couldn't finish it until much later. I now look back at it and see how far we've come and how life has continued and gone back to normal. At the time it never felt like it would and that normal wasn't real.

It's untouched, straight from my soul at the time so it's a bit rough.

The walls are coming down,
Feel them, thundering, crashing,
I can’t seal the cracks they’ve gotten to big
Nothing can help, I’m slowly starting to sink

I wake up screaming silently,
So much loss and pain,
My heart can’t take anymore,
Closed off, cold and dead,
Fears of loving and losing
Are flooding me,
Sounds so insane,
I push you away,
It’s better this way,
I can’t hurt if I don’t love,
If I don’t love then you won’t leave,
They say loving is living,
But to me it always seems to be leaving.
I miss you all so much,
In one year our family has had loss
3 spirits now to heaven have gone
When does it end, why did it start
The world is crashing down,
Spirits all around,
Staying with you through it all,
Not a curse, but a choice,
To see you off to the other side,
Watching your strength wane was the hardest thing to see,
You were always so strong for me,
To say good bye I knew was best, but what about all that was left.
My children you will never kiss, hug and hold.
To be with Mom as she grows old,
Our unspoken silences that said so much,
Dad, I miss your loving touch.
How’s the fishing, whiskey and music,
Stompin’ Tom’s still playing on your old stereo,
Sunday drives with Hank and Don on the radio,
Windows down, time goes on,
Days go by.