Going home and what it brings...

Hi all,

It's been awhile since i've posted and now know why i've felt removed from so much and have kept so busy. As some of you know Hal and I are going on holidays next week and going 'home' where I lived with Mom and Dad, then on my own and then moved in with Hal.

Going home is bittersweet because it means seeing our nephews, nieces, friends, my Mom and Sister and all the happiness this gives us but also brings forth the loneliness I feel without Dad in my life. I'm happy Mom has moved on and is once again enjoying her life and that she has a partner who cares about her and she him.

When Dad was dying and we were on our road trip so he could say 'See you later.' to his friends we talked and laughed a great deal. Some times these talks were very hard to have but also very necessary. At the time I didn't want to remember the journey but now in retrospect wish I had journalled every moment. I've found the past week that dreams have been abundant and also flashes of memories i'd long thought buried or erased from memory. I've contemplated writing a book (so to speak) about some of the experiences from life so far.

Here is a glimpse into one of our conversations....

C ourage
A lways believe
N ow
C atch the sun
E njoy every day
R ejoice, Remember and Respect

One day we were talking while driving along the highways of Alberta and he said that the C word didn't always have to have negative connotations that it was also a very positive thing.

He said it brought him to the Lord, closer to his family and gave him a greater appreciation of what he had during life and was looking forward to the adventure that life would bring him on the other side.

While we were talking he asked what I feared most with death. I told him it's not fear of death just fear of what life would hold without him and how our lives would change. I now understand that we choose the outcome.